It’s interesting that our experience of fear is just as terrifying when it’s imagined, as when that fear is based on something real. The experience in our body is the same.

Fear is a powerful force. It can cause us to behave in ways we wouldn’t normally. What did we used to say about fear? False Evidence Appearing Real. The imagined feels real to us.  When we wake up and understand we are all one, and everything we need is within us, we realize fear was a dream.  And only LOVE is real.

A few weeks ago, the guest host on Saturday Night Live was Dave Chappell. I’m not sure I understood, or agreed with everything he said, but at the end of his very long monologue we was expressing this idea that we all experience a similar pain – so that’s our key to understand each other. He was talking about how many police are feeling these days like when they put on their uniform they’ve got a big target on their back and they are not acknowledged or appreciated for what they do – every time they go out there they’re risking their lives. Then we looked at the camera and said, “believe me…believe me, I understand that feeling,” Like every black man, every time he walks out in the streets feels he has a target on his back. And he said, “I don’t hate you (referring to the cops) I hate that feeling. That’s what I fight through.”  He’s saying none of us should have to feel that way.  At the end he said, “we’ve got to find a way to forgiveness.”   

“We’ve got to find our way to forgiveness.”  I like how that is phrased, because it acknowledges that it’s a process…sometimes a difficult process.  You’re not just jumping to forgiveness. 

So, how do you forgive others you so totally disagree with?  That you may feel have damaged things for generations to come?  How do we do that?  How do we forgive anyone who we perceive has done us wrong?

One way is to see where all the anger is coming from…where all bad judgement is coming from…it is indeed generated by fear.  When we’re in fear, we’re not thinking clearly. The fear ultimately stems from a belief in separation. A belief that we are separate from our good – that it’s out there somewhere and we need to grab it and hold on to it before someone comes and takes it away from us.  

And…we’ve all had moments of fear like this about something. Most of us have experienced anxiety at some point in our life that: we’d never have enough, or that we’ll never recover, or someone was going to beat us to the finish line, or we’d be overlooked, or that we’d be alone. We can relate to others who are experiencing fear…and understand how that can lead to misguided thinking, and even misguided actions.

The way to forgive anyone is to separate that fear… and the misguided behavior that may have followed…from who they truly are.   Who we all truly are – without exception — is a Divine Being expressing in this human realm. And sometimes we get caught in the belief of lack…of separation. 

All forgiveness begins with a willingness. We need to be willing to do this though.  Caroline Myss (who’s a big believer in mind/body medicine and how we must heal our soul first before we can heal our body) says in her books: “Some people would rather die than forgive”.  A Course in Miracles says, “Some people would rather die than change their mind.” Kind of the same thing.  We need to be willing to change our mind about others in order to forgive them…and in order to set ourselves free.